I think if aliens ever came down and captured me while I was walking to the store one night to buy a Snapple and told me to take them to my leader, I’d take them to see my tenth grade English teacher, Dave Bergman. He was a really smart guy, but he was a real dick as a teacher. He could have been a great teacher, only it seemed like he enjoyed screwing over his students.
The way I see it, if the aliens were smart, they’d want to take out our leader to show who’s in charge. So knocking off Dave would be fine with any people who attended my high school while he was working there. Everybody would win in that situation.
If the aliens didn’t plan on knocking him off, but attempted to control Mr. Bergman as a puppet governor, they’d sure be in for something. He taught logic in his classes, and he was simply unbearable to speak with when he wanted to mess with your head (which was often). The aliens would probably get really frustrated trying to deal with him, and eventually leave. They might even decide to knock him off just before they left, too. This would also be a win-win situation for the rest of the world.
Then we could erect a big statue to the fictional milkman Harry Hood, who Mr. Bergman looks like, for saving the Earth. So when you think about it, I could actually save the world by sacrificing my tenth grade English teacher. I wouldn’t need a statue or anything, though. I’d just feel better knowing I could buy Snapples in peace again.
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