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Clowns cause problems at all levels, and some companies, like ABC, even hire them for the executive board. |
Senior staff at both ABC and ESPN announced recently that they absolutely loathe their jobs, and would like to be fired. The announcement came at the tail end of an announcement that the Disney-owned companies had reached a deal with Cox to inhibit the fast forwarding option on VOD programming for the two networks.
Mike Shaw, the president of advertising sales at ABC, has been fighting to disable fast forwarding for digital video recorders (DVR) for years. “When I was younger, a clown once attacked me while I was fast forwarding through a scene of The Warriors,” explained Shaw. “Now, when I see anybody fast forwarding, or juggling while in makeup, I have flashbacks.”
Because this move flies in the face of the entire purpose of DVR consumer sales, industry insiders see it as further proof the ABC and ESPN senior staff are serious about their desire to be fired.
“We’ve known for years that the television execs are overpaid morons completely out of touch with society,” explained BMW North America marketing boss Jack Pitney. “Both VOD and DVR systems bring a whole new set of creative options to us to create positive user experiences. Let’s face it, we created BMW Films on the Web before there was a MySpace or a YouTube. We don’t need, nor want, television commercials rammed down the throats of our customers.”
Cable companies like Cox have been using the fast forwarding option as a huge selling point for their DVR service for years. This new agreement opens up a new chapter of bait-and-switch sales tactics for Cox.
“We’re thinking about next automatically downgrading our high-speed Internet connections to dial-up levels,” said Cox Chief People Officer Mae A. Douglas. “Let’s face it, our job isn’t to provide the services we claim. Our job is to make money. So if I need to call myself the Chief People Officer, and then screw the people over, so be it.”